Call Me Maybe

There is so much out there right now telling us what a relationsihp should look like... and today I had a friend ask me about what a good relationship really should be. Well... I wasn't planning on writing as much as I did. But in the end I thought I would share my thoughts.

Oh and please keep in mind... this is in my internet chat speak, and I didn't really take the time to clean it up much so... Here Goes!

So... To the Curious Single Person Who Wants to Know What I Have to Say:

And I Quote:

well.... i am not sure if you mean what makes it a "godly relationship" or i fyou mean what makes it a "god ordained relatinoship", because those are two different things

the second suggests that god planned 2 people specifically for each other and orchestrated their lives in such a way that they were brought together by what might appear to be fate

the first, which is what i am assuming you might have meant, simply requests what takes a relationship to the next level, beyond the friendship/lover characteristics

and in this case, the answer is simple, God, being the center of both lives, becomes the center of that relationship

Now granted this obviously needs to be explained, because the center of a relationship? what does that even mean

ok, so there are two analogies, (and i apologize if im breaking this down too much, im not trying to insult your intelligence, i just felt the need to start with the basics) the first analogy is two people standing on opposite sides of a circle, and they are both looking in

this is to take the center of the relationship more literally, to see or get to the other person, they must look "through" God, they must first find God before they can find each other

the second analogy is similar, consider a 3 cord braided rope

the first cord being man, the second being woman, and the third being God, he is intricately involved with each, never leaves either's side, and is also constantly holding the other two together, two cords twisted together simply unwind, but the third cord creates a bond that cannot be easily broken

ok, so now set the analogies aside, we get the conepts, but what does thsi look like day to day? there can be so many examples

but here is a list of some of my first thoughts

I. Praying together
II. Encouraging each other
III. Supporting each other
IV. Providing for each other

V. Acting out of grace and forgiveness instead of hurt

VI. Sharing with each other what God has revealed to each
VII. Trust
VIII. Respect

Some of these things don't sound super spiritual, and honestly the list could go on and on, but that's the point, if we act out of love, the kind of unconditional love that was first offered to us by Christ, then we are emulating Christ in our relationship.

It doesn't always mean carrying your bible together and "oops" we forgot to pray for the meal!" it means, live in love as God has loved

When we act out of greed, pain, pride, arrogance, selfishness, judgements, or anyother sinful cause, then we act against God, and against our spouse who has become a part of us

I will say that a little differently

When we sin against God, we commit a travesty against our selves, and now since two have become one, even if our spouse does not know our sin, we have still sinned against them

A godly relationship, forgives, repents, and moves forward, accepts consequences, and simply loves unconditionally

End Quote

And a few things on the practical side:

Start 2nd Quote:

well i think what i sent before what the important stuff

after that everything is secondary

but it helps to have like mindedness in how you interpret and live the bible

to enjoy some of the same hobbies

but give each other room to be yourself

you dont have to do everything together

you dont have to like everything the same

you do not have to wear matching shirts... if you get my drift :-D

but... your priorities should be discussed, and agreed upon

make each other laugh

offer a hug when you know words arent going to be enough

play a game just to spend time together

go for a walk

have friends and family over

dont be afraid of the deeper issues

sooner or later, if you dont master them, they will consume you

dont be desparate, for a new relationship, it is better to give each other an honest chance

and an honest chance does not mean assuming the other person is the one, it means taking the time to find out who they are

where do they come from

how did they become this person

where are they going?

what makes them passionate and what are their dreams

how do they handle money?

how do they handle kids?

how do they handle it when you get into a fight?

do they take the time to tell you something sweet just because they knwo it will make you smile?

are they willing to sacrifice? are they willing to comprimise?

i mean, this is a list that goes forever

honesty is so important

it takes a long time to fall in lvoe with someone

and when that happends

you spend the rest of your life discovering everything else you didnt already know

everythign that amazes you, surprises you, and even hurts you

we make alot of assumptions about people

especially when we think they are what we want

then we suddenly assume they have it all

thats not fair

relationships take tine

they take effort

they take endurance and patience

you have to be consistent

dont waffle

in love one day and out the next

your love is not based on today

it is based on forever

so... i guess htats it

now whree is my knight on a white horse?

End Quote

Ok, That's all folks.. just wanted to share :-D

Glimpse

Life can be tough.
For me one the hardest things to do is to make a "big" life decision.
So I am taking some serious consideration right now
and trying to remind myself of some basic things.

Things such as...

My human frailty is a weakness that I battle...
But it does not have the victory.
I don't have to have the answers.
I do no fight this battle alone.
God hears and answers my prayers.
He is in control.

Psalms 54:4 (NIV) -
"Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me."

The Lord sustains me...
Remember to pray continuously, and find rest in God alone.

--------------------

Sometimes it seems like this process is just simply taking too long,
and I wonder if I am the one holding it up or if God truly wants me to wait.
Is it my fault that I haven't made a decision yet?
Or is it because God has placed on my heart hesitations so that all things happen in his timing?
Should I be excited about what is coming next,
or should I worry that I have already let it pass me by?

These thoughts peg at my mind, and while some consideration is healthy... where's the limit? When do I let it all go and drop in God's lap to deal with it all?
Should I not cast my cares upon him?
And am I not one for whom He cares deeply?
How do I grasp His love deeply enough that I might have faith great enough?

In the grand scheme of things, I suppose that even a so-called "wrong" decision,
when made can be used and turned for good, even perfection.
For God is a master of making the imperfect to become perfect.
In that case... should I deliberate until I am old?

...Or do I leap?

The truth is that heights have always frightened me.
Oh it's true, I have leaped before with reckless abandonment.
Height combined with uncertainty though, is a terrible combination.
To let that fear determine my actions would be a sin,
for I have been made more than a conqueror in Christ.

Which decision leaves me with a greater regret?
Do both options lead to regret? And how can that be?
Which decision leads me to a closer relationship with God?

How can He say that He sees worth like the
sparkle of a perfectly cut diamond when He looks at me?
Who am I... that the Lord of all the Earth and Heavens above,
should take note of my small self and come down to live this life with me?

You might be thinking at this point that I should stop asking questions,
and get it over with already.
Say what I have to say.
Where is the advice?
But I have already done that.
As I think through these questions...
It's a start.
Because I didn't write this down to tell either of us what to do...
Although to be honest, I was hoping for some kind of revelation.
No, I think that in the questions,
I can find a way to search myself,
and offer whatever I find to the One who already knows,
and loves every bit of me.

Mediocrity? I don't think so.

Today I finally finished with my video audition for Belmont University. The irony is that yesterday I received a letter from them that said I would not be accepted for the fall term. Now I realize that my immediate reaction and following actions may not be typical, and may not be completely reasonable. But to me, the choice I made was the only thing to do.

What was my reaction? Well, first I determined that I would follow through with the recording of my audition regardless of this letter. I have spent two full weeks pouring myself into this effort, and I am not about to let it be a waste. Sadly, my allergies have been quite violent so it wasn't quite as awesome as I had hoped, but it did turn out pretty good. (Props to Kris Walker for being on the spot for me, I super appreciate it!) Second, I now must contact an authority at Belmont and persuade them that the letter I got, is not the letter I am going to keep. Basically, I need to beg for mercy, and present myself in a manner that will somehow convince them to overturn the original verdict. Pray for me... Thanks! :)

When I said I spent 2 weeks on this project, I was not kidding. I literally worked all of about 2 days during this time, and spent the rest of the time on studying, so as I am returning this week, I have a lot ahead of me! Alot to catch up on, and alot to plan for. If you didn't know it, this year in September will be the 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY for SERVANT'S HEART!!! So... I am helping to plan a huge anniversary party! yay! It is supposed to be on August 7. We'll have free food, live music, games, kids activities, discount tables, bounce houses, a petting zoo, and whatever else we can come up with between now and then. So plan on coming because it's gonna be a blast!

Other than all of that, I think I am slowly developing a vision for purpose. This has been one of my most difficult battles. With as much as I plan for, I am desperate for God to give me something more specific to dream and to be passionate about. When you think of me, pray that God ignites passion that burns to my core and requires me to give my all for a purpose. I crave intimacy with God, and I desire to honor Him with my life, and to reach out to people.

What about the opportunities that we are given right where we are? I'm praying I learn to live life to the fullest here, and now. That I don't hold back. I don't want to be someone who is always "waiting". And I don't want to live in mediocrity.

How about you? Are you settling? Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. Be your best and give God your all. It's going to be worth it!

I Just Wanted to Blog I Guess

So... Sometimes I really want to blog.
But I'm not sure what to say.
And sometimes I know exactly what I want to say.
But then I realize I don't want you reading that! (Oh my...)
So... Sometimes I really want to blog, but I don't.

Don't get me wrong... It's not that I don't want to share my thoughts.
It's more like... I don't want to scare you away :-P.
In fact, sometimes I have to wonder if it's too late for that anyways!

I suppose not... or you wouldn't be reading now... So here goes!

-----

Now I know blogging was supposed to be a huge "fad" to hit the ceiling...
but really I think people just wanted a point of connection.
Face to face confession and confrontation makes us nervous.
If you show someone who you really are then you are giving them a chance to reject you.
On the other hand... an online confession means you don't have to watch their reaction.
Now isn't that the chickens way out!
Now let me back up a second... I am not dishing on blogging, or facebook, or IM.
Actually... I love all of these. It's very cool to be able to see little blurbs of peoples' lives.
But sometimes (and I'm sure you done this too) I need a friend...
and instead of a phone call I just start typing away to save the day...
(Otherwise known as "to beat the band")

BTW... why do we "beat the band"?
My cousins were in the band and I gotta say I know this "sport" beat you up enough
without everyone else joining in on a beat the band member marathon.
Ok... side note over.

If you know me well enough... Then you know I enjoy saying things like...
"Note to Self" and "Side Note" or maybe you've heard this one: Maning Raviac!
(OK I'll be honest, that was a recent one time hysterical mistake... but I liked it! haha)
Mostly I like quarky little things that make people laugh.
Truthfully, I really love to see people laugh.
Not the fake guffaw that says "This is so awkward cuz you're so not funny"
Or the forced chuckle saying "I wish I weren't here right now ucz you're so boring"
No... I love the laugh that makes people glow and bubble with amazing awesomeness!
Because that is what our God is - Amazing Awesomeness!
And all of that amazing awesomeness was put into you and me,
we were made to bring Him glory, and I think our laughter brings Him joy too.

So back to blogging... Who ever thought of the word "blog" anyways?
It sounds so... boggy. I dunno. It works... obviously, since we all now know what a blog is.
So congrats to the genious who thought it up... and I suppose thank you...
Because like I said... I like blogging.

I think it's because I enjoy sharing my thoughts.

Fact 1: I enjoy sharing my opinion.
Fact 2: I enjoy teaching.
Fact 3: I enjoy learning.
Fact 4: I enjoy conversation.
Fact 5: I enjoy writing.
Fact 6: I enjoy reading.
Fact 7: I enjoy You.

There- 7 is the perfect number and those are 7 perfect reasons to blog :)
(Cheesy, I know.)

Alright well... if you made it this far through my blog then you deserve a reward.
So this is tonight's goody...
I wrote a very small poem/verse...
And honestly, I debated on sharing it but here ya go...
There's no title, but I think it speaks for itself fairly well.

-----

"I hold my lips shut tightly
So I don't say what's on my mind
Cuz I can't take the risk and tell you
I don't want to be left behind
It's too easy to lose what you've got
Even though I don't have you
I'm not about to let go
And in spite of all this craziness
I still want you to Know
But I hold my lips shut tightly" - (C) 2009 LMF

Title: "Draw a Line" (This is all about Holiness)

Sometimes you have to draw a line...

Even though no one else will.

Sometimes you have to take a hit,

Back out of the scene, and disappear for a while...

Just so the line can hold integrity.

There are times when it hurts to be who you are...

But you know God calls you to be more than that,

And so you take another step.

There are times that you wish you could...

Even though you know it would be wrong.

Who are you trying to be?

What are you trying to prove?

How are you going to grow?

Can you stand here and claim salvation,

When you're drowning in this world?

The gospel is the remedy,

And the Word of God is your soulfood.

Hunger and thirst for Him alone.

So when your heart is troubled by guilt...

How fast can you step out of it and back into God?

Sometimes it isn't easy,

And the fight feels a little too tough...

But it's worth it all in the end, if you endure.

The road gets a little lonely,

But God is there and He lights the way.

It's easy to see when you've stepped off the path,

Because that's when the darkness overtakes.

What are you trying to say,

When you're babbbling excuses?

Do you really think it makes it ok?

Sometimes you have to draw a line..

Where nobody else is willing to.
Draw a Line and it will be worth it. It will be worth it all.

No Definition

The title of this blog is No Definition for a reason.
A title defines what you are about to read.
And what you are reading here is the lack of definition and clarity in my mind and spirit.
I know I desire God... and I know I have changed my course so many times.
And I am so scared of living life wrong- and I know that living scared is wrong.
But where is the passion? Where is the purpose? Where is MY dream?
I'm sick of knowing that I "enjoy" such a great variety...
I want to get back to doing what God planted in me.
To stay where I am is a sacrifice and to go is the same.
I wish I could reverse life so I could be little again, just to escape.
But the truth is that I would end up right back here.
I don't want to just be happy, I want to make a difference.

I was at youth tonight,
and I had been desperate to get there because I needed to meet with God.
I know a youth staff should be there for the students but...
I wanted to worship, and to seek his face in prayer.
I got there late and missed the beginning of the service.

I will still meet with God tonight but I am yearning for him to prove himself once again.

Why do I feel so old?

I am being completely honest and please don't hold it against me.

I feel so alone. Where are the people I call friends?
Who will let me cry on their shoulder? Who will pray with me?
I know God is sufficient...

I don't mean to sound long suffering but I need to vent.

This past week I've been stressed.
I'm trying so hard to take things in stride.
On top of that I've been a little sick, so I'm off kilter.
One more reason why these ramblings are crazy.
My mind is in a million directions, or you could say no direction

I'm going to go give it to God now... now that I've had my say.
Perhaps I can let him have his too.

I need definition, I need hope, I need something to look foward to.

I need to stop worrying.

I need God.

Memory - Isaiah 61 : 1 - 4

I am beginning to read the book "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore.

The first chapter calls for me to use Isaish 61 : 1 - 4 as a memory scripture.

Hold me accountable and memorize with me!

Thanks :)

ISAIAH 61 : 1 - 4

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion -

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins

and restore the places long devastated;

they will renew the ruined cities

that have been devastated for generastions.

Yay!

Ok, so basically today was awesome!

No... nothing spectacular really happened... I just enjoyed myself.
Granted, there were still the "problem issues" at work... but we got through them.
And at the end of the day... I wasn't tired really, so I went shopping!

I was going to start Christmas shopping tomorrow,
but with the mall open until 11 I got alot done tonight! yay!
I found some good things, funny things... and yea... I can't spoil the surprises yet!
So I keep my secrets for now! haha.

Currently, I'm trying to finish the book I'm reading: Crazy Love.
Yea, I know, I started it FOREVER ago! But I'm almost done... and I'm loving it :).

onward...

Re-Evaluate

Re-Evaluate Spiritually:

I was evaluating the quality of music that I listen to... and I was reading a book. As soon, as the music thought came to me, the next page started talking about music and how it drives us and how it can draw towards God, or away from Him. How music can be our spiritual love song.

I love how God speaks. He whispers right into our hearts and then affirms His truth.
How amazing is the grace of our creator!

So... I am going to be more conscious of what I allow my ears to intake- and be more purposeful in my choices to listen to things that glorify God.

Re-Evaluate Financially:

So tithing is one of those things that we should all do and many of us do. Of course, many of us do not... and some of do sometimes. Me? I do... sometimes.

This is another thing I want to learn to do purposely, not only on the occassion when it happens to cross my mind. And I certainly don't want to be playing "catch up". This isn't about giving my dues to a club... this is honoring God with the blessings He has given to me. So really, I just need to remember where the blessing comes from before I decide what to do with it.

Re-Evaluate Emotionally:

I need to quit thinking about it- lol. And no, I can't really explain cuz it doesn't really make sense. So... there.

End of the Year

It's been crazy.
Book work and projects and class.
Yea, that's right, just one class.
But so much grunt work! Yuck...
However, I have my final project completed and I get to present it tomorrow. Yay.
I suppose I can say I've learned alot. A whole bunch of hand tagging html.
It's fun because it's like a puzzle, but anyhow, enough of that boring stuff...
you can see my project here:
My Final Project!
And yes... You're allowed to laugh :).

It's the height of the Christmas retail season at the store.
Which means insanity, multitasking, extra hours, and lots of fun!
Of course the store is beautiful with snowflakes and treats on the weekends.
(I might be biased but alot of people seem to agree with me!)

Last week I went to see Quantum of Solace with Kurt...
It was pretty sweet.

And I can't wait for Hans to get home! I miss my lil bro.

Other than that... I've been thinking alot about my future plans.
Future as in like... next semester... and the rest of my life?!
Oh my. Too much.
Definately not taking another class yet though.
It will be nice to take a break.
I am hoping to have a little more time to be over at the church.
And maybe continue to organize my life... it has been getting better.
Even though it's a busy season, I've managed to clean up my office considerably....
Granted, I'm not finished.
I want to be organized. I'm excited for it.
Hm...

Anyways, now I'm rambling, therefore I'm going.
If you want to here me ramble... You know how to find me :).

Trust in the Almighty

Right now... I'm content and trusting.
But I am mostly content because I can trust.
There are somethings in life that you dream and hope for, but you must lay them aside and allow God to be the one who says what is and is not for you.
Ultimately, He knows best.

So many times I wish I knew the things He did.
My future. Where in the world am I headed?
I don't know... but He does.

What about how to handle the situation I'm in right now?
I don't always have that answer either... but God pulls me through.

Some people would say I'm naive, which means technically- "without experience".
I would say that I have experienced God.
And THAT is the reason I live in faith and reckless abandonment.

I have to be honest though.
As much as I want to live in this "abandonment" to self...
I would rarely say that I am reckless with my trust in God.
Less often that that would I say that I abandon myself to Him.
It's too easy to get wrapped up in this world.
But He is so worth it all!

Better than that, God says that I am worth it all.
That's what the Crucifixion was for- ME.
Amazing, isn't it?

I can't really seem to grasp it as much as I sometimes try.
If I fully understood... could I handle that truth?

So I suppose I have to trust the one who gave it all-
and right now I can't say that I mind, in spit of how scary is may seem in my eyes.

Truly He is clothed in robes of glory and splendor,
and there is no thing that could ever compare.

Ironic Emotions

I don't know how to explain what I am feeling right now.
I just know that emotionally, I am a little overwhelmed.

There is excitement and happiness.
There is concern and stress issues.
There are all kinds of questions and thoughts swirling through my mind.

There is uncertainty, but there is a sense of purpose.

I am prepared for anything and nothing.

Oh the Irony.

Anyways.... I feel a little better now.

WOF Conference... and then Some

So tonight I just got back from the Women of Faith Conference that was held out in Philadelphia and my thoughts are good and bad. I definately enjoyed myself, but there were definately certain elements lacking.

Don't get me wrong or anything, I was able to take a way a few golden thoughts, but I simply felt like it could have been so much more. Perhaps this is because I am used to the hyped up youth group atmosphere, and I enjoy that. Also, I felt like all of the speakers relied heavily on anecdotes instead of the word of God.

Ok, so yes, I love to be encouraged by people around me, but I did not go to this conference to hear a motivational speaker. I went to let God speak into my life and to give my soul respite. I have been so weary.

It was nice to spend the time with my mom and Nancy too... but on the ride home... I just felt like everything was bugging me. I was tired, and I know I was letting things bug me more than they should, but I would try and let something go, and it just seemed like the next thing said would bug me more. I felt a little babied and misunderstood all at once. I also felt like I was being told what to do. Tell me I don't sound like an emotional teenager. Too bad I'm 21 or maybe that excuse could work.

I'm at a point in life where I feel stuck in between and I feel like I have no one to walk this road with. What can I say? I feel like I've finally become the rebellious child that I never was. I like my independence alright, and I hate when I trouble my parents. Sometimes I simply feel directionless and a little hopeless. Of course, the next day I'm perfectly excited about where I am and what I could be doing with my current situation.

Too be honest, being this open right now is a little frightening... as it usually is.
But I'm a little sick of silence right now. Although silence often times prevents conflict.

I need God... I am desperate for Him. I don't know how else I am going to accomplish anything. I keep saying it again and again. I have too much on my plate and I can't do any more. I burn the candle on both ends and try to complete multiple tasks at once at work and at home. I take time to volunteer, intern, and study a class. Somewhere in the middle of all this i attend church and a young adult's bible study. Some things are getting better. It's not all bad. Actually, it's all good. Just maybe it was too much good at one time. There is light at the end of the tunnel... and I'm starting to see it, and I'm so thankful, because I didn't know how much longer I could hold on.

On the verge of a breakdown, the best place to pour out my heart and my tears, is on God's shoulder. He pulls me into His embrace and tells me how He loves me. Reminds me that I'm His child, and he always provides. He proves faithful each and every time. So when I am weak, I place my trust in Him, take life one day at a time, and lean on Him.

What else can I say? Pray for me- You know we all need it, and I'll be the first to admit it.
Thanks.

Summer Livin'

So I know the last post was a little dramatic... what can I say, I like to write! :)
Anyhow... this will not be like that.

And... because the summer as been so crazy I will need to post in stages...

However, for now suffice it to say that it has been very busy and a lot of fun.
I am so thankful for all of the opportunities that have come my way.
And I'm trying to be more and more of who I should be.
Trying to serve my family with a heart of love.
Sometimes we make little tasks seem like they're so horrible,
but really, how hard is it to clean up the table, or take out the trash?
It's not so bad... besides, how we serve shows how we love.

Ok. so the real posts on the summer are soon to come!

Did You Know

I'm talking to you and you don't even know it.
I'm drawn to you and I'm not even sure why.
I can't call you mine and for some reason I still think I'd like to.
I'm trying to just trust God... but sometimes it's confusing.
What is it about you that is so much like a magnet?
There is passion in your soul and fire in your eyes.
Energy in your being and love in the way you live life.
I guess you could call this a "love letter" since it sounds like one,
Just call me friend for now, it's all I really want for now,
Really this is just the ramblings of a girl who wishes she knew more.
Knew more about who you are and where you come from.
Knew more about who she is and where she's going.
What is God's plan for this life anyways?
I'm sure you've been there too.
Why is it I can't help but smile when I think about you?
And when someone else says your name,
I laugh to myself as though I knew some kind of inside joke,
But it's really only because you bring me joy in some simple way.
I don't know that we'll ever be together,
And I don't want to assume either one way or the other.
Did you know I was praying for you?
I don't know why... but I was compelled.
I hope all is going well for you, and I hope you are living your dreams.
I pray that every passion in you brings you to a place where God moves through you.
We all want to see God's power in our lives and in the lives of the people around us.
It's really cool when He makes Himself to evident to us.
I might not be the greatest theological thinker or philosopher,
But I know that God is faithful and He is able.
I'm so thankful that no matter what comes of all "this",
I can believe and know that He is in control.
And what is before each of us in this life on earth,
Is so much greater than anything we can possibly imagine.
My life is already so far from where I envisioned only a couple years ago...
But do you see where He has brought me?
I am blessed beyond measure...
And still dreaming of the future.
I want someone to dream with, to plan with, to be with.
I guess we all want that even from when we're little.
It's a funny thing how right from the beginning we know that we were made for relationship.
How much more is it important that we nurture our relationship with God?
And how many times have I wandered?
Not to a place of disbeleif... but perhaps a valley of indifference, or satisfaction.
I do not want to be satisfied... and I never want to become mediocre.
I love my Jesus. He is my Light, and my Salvation.
Precious Jesus who loves me... Even though I don't deserve it.
It's amazing how that is... That He would die for us.
Can you imagine love like that?
People say they would take a bullet for someone...
But how many of us really would?
I think my fear might overtake me...
And what is it I would fear?
That I might die and go to heaven where I would live eternally?
It's a little shameful...
I hope you haven't minded my ramblings...
And I wish this had been in person...
But I didn't leave alot of room for response.
So hopefully at some point we'll have a chance to sit and talk.
In the meantime,
Know that you are supported by a friend,
And I'll still be praying for you.

Determined to Live

I want to walk in God's Spirit.
I am determined to let Him be my guide, my strength, my everything.
In fact my very reason for being.

And I know that when I allow Him to be my everything,
This is when I truly live!

And I rejoice because I know that as I walk in His Spirit I can see miracles.
I can see the dead rise, the deaf hear, the mute speak, and the blind see.
The ones who are in pain will be made strong and healthy,
Those who are broken and in despair will be made whole.
This is the power of my God and I walk in it daily.

When I call out on His name, He hears me, and He answers me.
He does not neglet His children who are His prized creation.
For I am made to worship Him and to live in communion with Him.

Everyday I learn to see Jesus in the people around me.
Everyday I learn to have compassion and see beyond my present circumstance.
Everyday I learn to pray and seek God without ceasing.

I am not who I was yesterday, nor am I who I will be tomorrow.
Yet God is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.
He never changes, He stays the same. And He is perfect.
I pray that as I change I become more like Jesus...

Thank God that He sees me as pure and holy through the atonement of Christ.
I am but a mere mortal, yet He has made a way for righteousness.

Fear says... alot of things.
But Faith says... God ALWAYS prevails.

It Was a Good Day... But This Post Doesn't Make It Sound That Way?

So it was kinda a long day... but all in all I would say it was pretty good.

First issue of the day was that I simply got up too late...
Why is it so easy to tell off the alarm and then flip over?
I don't know.
One of life's mysteries I guess...
Actually, I think it's due to the very warm, cozy, snuggly feeling I wake up with...
which disappears as soon as my comforter does. Oh well.

Beyond that I felt pretty accomplished at work.
Kurt and I have been pretty perseverant to make sure things are taken care of.
And I have been unusually focused and I've held a new sense of purpose.
While I'm not sure where exactly it came from, I am thankful for it.
I don't want to be lazy.

So we took care of orders, and church accounts, and kayla helped with receiving.
Multiple "issues" were handled, and lunch was beautiful.
In fact, half of my buritto waits for me for tomorrow. Oh joy!

Went to a meeting in the evening (away from work) which was really more like a social gathering... and it was great... didn't hurt that I was surrounded by friends :).

Took off from there to the movies and saw Caspian with mom and aven!

I'm still battling my thoughts. And what I mean by that is simply this:
I can be very creative... and sometimes I really think I could write a movie.
But one of the annoying things I do to myself is that I fabricate conversations.
Uh huh... I was talking to you today and you didn't even know it.
Wanna know what you said?
Haha. Yea, sometimes it's entertaining...
but you can see how this would be a problem.
I want to live in the "real world."
I'm not psycho, I'm just a dreamer.
Part of who God made me. And don't get me wrong,
I like being me.
But I like being me face to face when you can actually tell me what you're thinking.
I don't need to be making assumptions.

Ok, now that I've creeped you all out...
Although, I know I'm not the only one... some of you confessed to me...
I just happen to be brave enough to blog it.
Of course... there is like no one that reads this I think...
Who knows.

Anyways... I think chocolate at the theater...
after buritto for early dinner...
has got my stomach in knots.
I am therefore headed to bed.

Much Luv

Anticipation

So... It's been an interesting 24 hours.
I was preparing to hop in bed and I received an email that made me jump out of my seat.
I shouldn't really have been so excited, but I was.
And I was glowing for most of the day.
It was as if I were on a caffeine pill...
Or like I said to Pastor Troy, as though i'd had 5 cups of coffee.
My thoughts were going in a zillion directions...
And I was just praying to God that I would focus on Him and let things be.
I need Him to be in control.

So the day was Kinda Extreme.

I walked around today in complete anticipation.
Every moment, minute, and hour I was just ecstatic.
And then it happened, and I was happy...
and then it went a little downhill.
You see... I tend to feel a little foolish sometimes.
And the thing is that I'm not sure if I actually acted foolishly...
or if I'm just feeling self-conscious.
I can definately say that I was very aware.

Full of hope... and feeling a little silly, but happy.

I can't really say that things went happily ever after.
But that's mostly because life doesn't end when the sun goes down.
Most of the time that is a good thing...
So I am still anticipating... and not really sure exactly for what.

Sorry that I cannot explain further...
I feel like I don't really want to share the cause of all this.

But sometimes emotions can be a bigger part of the story.
You could probably say that I was over-reacting.
A little dramatic perhaps...
but I couldnt' take the smile from my face.
I wanted to laugh... and I wanted to cry.

It was hard to focus.

So all that being said,
I simply need to continuously surrender myself to God...
Completely.

He needs to be in control!
Because who knows what would happen if I were.

Desperate For God

I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind tonight... some good... some a little depressing. But I found a note that I wrote at a prayer meeting a little while back... maybe 2 weeks. And it said something really encouraging... and since this is my first blog... I wanted to start with hope... and remind myself as well that in spite of it all... these next few lines remain as a steady truth.

"I am sustained by God.
Tonight I was made whole again.
I have been comforted by my Maker.
He has loved me like no other.
There is peace in His presence that goes beyond anything I know.
I am desperate for God.
I will never turn back.
I love my Jesus."