So tonight I just got back from the Women of Faith Conference that was held out in Philadelphia and my thoughts are good and bad. I definately enjoyed myself, but there were definately certain elements lacking.
Don't get me wrong or anything, I was able to take a way a few golden thoughts, but I simply felt like it could have been so much more. Perhaps this is because I am used to the hyped up youth group atmosphere, and I enjoy that. Also, I felt like all of the speakers relied heavily on anecdotes instead of the word of God.
Ok, so yes, I love to be encouraged by people around me, but I did not go to this conference to hear a motivational speaker. I went to let God speak into my life and to give my soul respite. I have been so weary.
It was nice to spend the time with my mom and Nancy too... but on the ride home... I just felt like everything was bugging me. I was tired, and I know I was letting things bug me more than they should, but I would try and let something go, and it just seemed like the next thing said would bug me more. I felt a little babied and misunderstood all at once. I also felt like I was being told what to do. Tell me I don't sound like an emotional teenager. Too bad I'm 21 or maybe that excuse could work.
I'm at a point in life where I feel stuck in between and I feel like I have no one to walk this road with. What can I say? I feel like I've finally become the rebellious child that I never was. I like my independence alright, and I hate when I trouble my parents. Sometimes I simply feel directionless and a little hopeless. Of course, the next day I'm perfectly excited about where I am and what I could be doing with my current situation.
Too be honest, being this open right now is a little frightening... as it usually is.
But I'm a little sick of silence right now. Although silence often times prevents conflict.
I need God... I am desperate for Him. I don't know how else I am going to accomplish anything. I keep saying it again and again. I have too much on my plate and I can't do any more. I burn the candle on both ends and try to complete multiple tasks at once at work and at home. I take time to volunteer, intern, and study a class. Somewhere in the middle of all this i attend church and a young adult's bible study. Some things are getting better. It's not all bad. Actually, it's all good. Just maybe it was too much good at one time. There is light at the end of the tunnel... and I'm starting to see it, and I'm so thankful, because I didn't know how much longer I could hold on.
On the verge of a breakdown, the best place to pour out my heart and my tears, is on God's shoulder. He pulls me into His embrace and tells me how He loves me. Reminds me that I'm His child, and he always provides. He proves faithful each and every time. So when I am weak, I place my trust in Him, take life one day at a time, and lean on Him.
What else can I say? Pray for me- You know we all need it, and I'll be the first to admit it.
Thanks.
