Determined to Live

I want to walk in God's Spirit.
I am determined to let Him be my guide, my strength, my everything.
In fact my very reason for being.

And I know that when I allow Him to be my everything,
This is when I truly live!

And I rejoice because I know that as I walk in His Spirit I can see miracles.
I can see the dead rise, the deaf hear, the mute speak, and the blind see.
The ones who are in pain will be made strong and healthy,
Those who are broken and in despair will be made whole.
This is the power of my God and I walk in it daily.

When I call out on His name, He hears me, and He answers me.
He does not neglet His children who are His prized creation.
For I am made to worship Him and to live in communion with Him.

Everyday I learn to see Jesus in the people around me.
Everyday I learn to have compassion and see beyond my present circumstance.
Everyday I learn to pray and seek God without ceasing.

I am not who I was yesterday, nor am I who I will be tomorrow.
Yet God is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.
He never changes, He stays the same. And He is perfect.
I pray that as I change I become more like Jesus...

Thank God that He sees me as pure and holy through the atonement of Christ.
I am but a mere mortal, yet He has made a way for righteousness.

Fear says... alot of things.
But Faith says... God ALWAYS prevails.

It Was a Good Day... But This Post Doesn't Make It Sound That Way?

So it was kinda a long day... but all in all I would say it was pretty good.

First issue of the day was that I simply got up too late...
Why is it so easy to tell off the alarm and then flip over?
I don't know.
One of life's mysteries I guess...
Actually, I think it's due to the very warm, cozy, snuggly feeling I wake up with...
which disappears as soon as my comforter does. Oh well.

Beyond that I felt pretty accomplished at work.
Kurt and I have been pretty perseverant to make sure things are taken care of.
And I have been unusually focused and I've held a new sense of purpose.
While I'm not sure where exactly it came from, I am thankful for it.
I don't want to be lazy.

So we took care of orders, and church accounts, and kayla helped with receiving.
Multiple "issues" were handled, and lunch was beautiful.
In fact, half of my buritto waits for me for tomorrow. Oh joy!

Went to a meeting in the evening (away from work) which was really more like a social gathering... and it was great... didn't hurt that I was surrounded by friends :).

Took off from there to the movies and saw Caspian with mom and aven!

I'm still battling my thoughts. And what I mean by that is simply this:
I can be very creative... and sometimes I really think I could write a movie.
But one of the annoying things I do to myself is that I fabricate conversations.
Uh huh... I was talking to you today and you didn't even know it.
Wanna know what you said?
Haha. Yea, sometimes it's entertaining...
but you can see how this would be a problem.
I want to live in the "real world."
I'm not psycho, I'm just a dreamer.
Part of who God made me. And don't get me wrong,
I like being me.
But I like being me face to face when you can actually tell me what you're thinking.
I don't need to be making assumptions.

Ok, now that I've creeped you all out...
Although, I know I'm not the only one... some of you confessed to me...
I just happen to be brave enough to blog it.
Of course... there is like no one that reads this I think...
Who knows.

Anyways... I think chocolate at the theater...
after buritto for early dinner...
has got my stomach in knots.
I am therefore headed to bed.

Much Luv

Anticipation

So... It's been an interesting 24 hours.
I was preparing to hop in bed and I received an email that made me jump out of my seat.
I shouldn't really have been so excited, but I was.
And I was glowing for most of the day.
It was as if I were on a caffeine pill...
Or like I said to Pastor Troy, as though i'd had 5 cups of coffee.
My thoughts were going in a zillion directions...
And I was just praying to God that I would focus on Him and let things be.
I need Him to be in control.

So the day was Kinda Extreme.

I walked around today in complete anticipation.
Every moment, minute, and hour I was just ecstatic.
And then it happened, and I was happy...
and then it went a little downhill.
You see... I tend to feel a little foolish sometimes.
And the thing is that I'm not sure if I actually acted foolishly...
or if I'm just feeling self-conscious.
I can definately say that I was very aware.

Full of hope... and feeling a little silly, but happy.

I can't really say that things went happily ever after.
But that's mostly because life doesn't end when the sun goes down.
Most of the time that is a good thing...
So I am still anticipating... and not really sure exactly for what.

Sorry that I cannot explain further...
I feel like I don't really want to share the cause of all this.

But sometimes emotions can be a bigger part of the story.
You could probably say that I was over-reacting.
A little dramatic perhaps...
but I couldnt' take the smile from my face.
I wanted to laugh... and I wanted to cry.

It was hard to focus.

So all that being said,
I simply need to continuously surrender myself to God...
Completely.

He needs to be in control!
Because who knows what would happen if I were.

Desperate For God

I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind tonight... some good... some a little depressing. But I found a note that I wrote at a prayer meeting a little while back... maybe 2 weeks. And it said something really encouraging... and since this is my first blog... I wanted to start with hope... and remind myself as well that in spite of it all... these next few lines remain as a steady truth.

"I am sustained by God.
Tonight I was made whole again.
I have been comforted by my Maker.
He has loved me like no other.
There is peace in His presence that goes beyond anything I know.
I am desperate for God.
I will never turn back.
I love my Jesus."