The title of this blog is No Definition for a reason.
A title defines what you are about to read.
And what you are reading here is the lack of definition and clarity in my mind and spirit.
I know I desire God... and I know I have changed my course so many times.
And I am so scared of living life wrong- and I know that living scared is wrong.
But where is the passion? Where is the purpose? Where is MY dream?
I'm sick of knowing that I "enjoy" such a great variety...
I want to get back to doing what God planted in me.
To stay where I am is a sacrifice and to go is the same.
I wish I could reverse life so I could be little again, just to escape.
But the truth is that I would end up right back here.
I don't want to just be happy, I want to make a difference.
I was at youth tonight,
and I had been desperate to get there because I needed to meet with God.
I know a youth staff should be there for the students but...
I wanted to worship, and to seek his face in prayer.
I got there late and missed the beginning of the service.
I will still meet with God tonight but I am yearning for him to prove himself once again.
Why do I feel so old?
I am being completely honest and please don't hold it against me.
I feel so alone. Where are the people I call friends?
Who will let me cry on their shoulder? Who will pray with me?
I know God is sufficient...
I don't mean to sound long suffering but I need to vent.
This past week I've been stressed.
I'm trying so hard to take things in stride.
On top of that I've been a little sick, so I'm off kilter.
One more reason why these ramblings are crazy.
My mind is in a million directions, or you could say no direction
I'm going to go give it to God now... now that I've had my say.
Perhaps I can let him have his too.
I need definition, I need hope, I need something to look foward to.
I need to stop worrying.
I need God.
